Kathleen McCall:
Occasional�� Muse�

2001-05-19 - 10:54 a.m.

Whine

I wish I had a fever.

Have you ever? I do. I just took my temperature with the ear-thermometer, and when I saw 98.4, I realized I was a little disappointed.

It's not that I wish I were sick. I AM sick. I have a stuffy head and achy sinuses that are dripping down the back of my throat and making me cough, and my chest hurts and I feel shaky and feverish and in general I'm sick, yes I am.

But I want that fever. It's the badge of bravery. Without a fever, I'm just a whiner. "I can't come to work today, my nose is stuffy." See? "Can you watch my kids for the afternoon? My sinuses are draining." You just NEED a fever, to go for the gold. "Hey, now, look at this little lady. 108.2 and she's still on her feet. Isn't she plucky? Let's give her a big hand."

I'm so lame.

____________

When I was sick as a kid and had to stay home from school, I had to stay in bed. My kids don't believe this. I don't make them stay in bed. They lie around on the sofa and whine and watch television. No Robert Louis Stevenson stuff for them.

I used to get the flu, and I'd get so incredibly thirsty. My mother would bring me a tall glass of 7-up, with ice, glittery droplets gathering on the outside, looking like salvation. And she'd say, "Just take little tiny sips, or you'll throw it up."

I meant to. I really did. But I was so thirsty, and it was so cold, and I would take a sip, and I would drink half the glass. Then I'd throw it up.

We did this every time.

I only give my kids a sip in the cup. They whine, but they don't puke it right back up, either.

_________________________

The 7-up mystique lives on.

Some people hold that 7-up settles the stomach. Some hold with Coke. I know enough of pop and puke, to say that I believe it's fluke; but anything at all with ice, is always good, and will suffice.

(See? I'm sick today. You have to humor me.)

The girls' father taught them the 7-up thing. Now they both think you need 7-up any time you're ill. "I'm stuffy, can you get me some soda at the store?" Geeze, kid, you have ALLERGIES.

But it's funny enough that I buy it. I won't usually keep soda in the house. I think the kids have me figured out. Make me laugh, get soda.

__________________

I can't take most of the over-the-counter cold remedies. They have epinephrine in them. I can't take epinephrine, it wires me.

This is really very funny, when you think of how much coffee I drink. Maybe if I didn't drink the coffee, I could take the epinephrine. I'm not that interested.

Epinephrine makes me jittery and nervous. It dries out my mouth, and makes my hands shake, and makes me jumpy.

In short, it feels like the early '80's.

Not going back THERE. I'll just drink my coffee.

____________________

I do like Nyquil. You have to love Nyquil, don't you? I know, I know, it's just alcohol. I don't care. I can't sleep when I can't breathe through my nose. But I can sleep if I take Nyquil. Wake up in a big lake of drool, though.

We might all sleep over at my boyfriend's tonight, because all his kids will be there for mine to play with. I'll take the Nyquil with me. Sweetie, you might want to put a towel over my pillow.

And could you please pick up some soda?

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