Kathleen McCall:
Occasional�� Muse�

2001-10-30 - 8:59 a.m.

Scroogenstein

It's spook season again. Always interesting to see what goes on. We are planning to get the pumpkin today, buy some last-minute candy, and collect last minute costume additions for one witch and one angel. Halloween is right up there with Fourth of July on my Holidays from Hell list, but at least, like the Fourth, it comes and goes pretty fast.

Youngest daughter loves candy, but does not like to be scared. Scared is not fun, in her book. Hey, I'm on her side. I don't like being scared either. More accurately, neither of us like being surprised, having things jump out at us and make sudden noises. I used to love carnival rides, being hurled around and around at great speed, and I still like water slides; that kind of scary is fun. But scary I don't control? Scary that might just pop out any old time when I'm not expecting it? Nope.

My older sister used to hide down the long hallway in our house, hiding in one of the doorways (yes you did, you KNOW you did) and JUMP out at me as I walked down the hall. Scared the bejeezus out of me every time. I HATED it. I got to where I would stand at the beginning of the hall, wanting to get to the bathroom at the other end, KNOWING that she was hiding in one of those doorways - and I would squinch my eyes tight, lower my head, and CHARGE as fast as I could down the hall, hoping to get past her, or not notice her, or bowl her over, or something. It worked, as I remember. However, one would not get many treats in one's sack running down the middle of the street, so I cannot recommend this method to Younger Daughter.

And things WILL jump out at her. Scary people will answer the door, and "dead" bodies in yards will suddenly move, and spiders will drop down in the entryways. Some people really do Halloween up right, and even the most innocent-looking houses sometimes harbor The Elephant Man with a candy dish. Youngest wants to go, otherwise I would simply buy her candy, but at some point in the trek she will overload on jumpiness, sugar, and adult antics, and she will probably cry; and I will wonder, again, where we have gone with THIS holiday and which holidays are left that do not involve extremely loud noises, getting very drunk, or making small children wet their pants.

Older daughter has no patience with this. Older daughter has a Halloween fear herself - that there will not be enough of the candy she can still eat, now that she's sporting braces. She plans on doing a lot of arm-twisted type trading with younger sister to corral the entire chocolate supply, and she will expect younger sister to do her part in collecting lots of booty. I will have to remind her that when she was three, we went to a house that had a wonderfully imaginative huge stuffed dragon's tail coming out from under their porch, and that she took one look at that and said a simple, clear, "No." No fanfare, and no room for negotiation: Nope. Not going there. Uh-uh. An entire chocolate cake with chocolate icing and chocolate sprinkles would not have persuaded that kid to walk up to a house that obviously had a giant dragon under it.

We all have limits.

I will take my children door-to-door in the tradition we aren't ready to abandon, and Younger Daughter will get the shit scared out of her in exchange for some candy, and she'll cry, and then we will drag home two bags of candy that one child can't eat, and dump them all out on the floor and sort and trade and bicker, and then we'll stuff the costumes in the dress-up drawer and start thinking about Thanksgiving. Which, incidentally, also scares the hell out of me; when you get around family, something is sure to jump out at you. It's the Elephant Man, with turkey.

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