Kathleen McCall:
Occasional�� Muse�

2002-06-18 - 10:24 a.m.

No, GUILT is the Mind-Eater

Nothing messes with you like a call on your pager from a lawyer.

I got one. I didn't have the pager with me, was out and about for the evening. When I got home the pager was doing that accusing occasional BEEP: you forgot me....BEEP...now I'm hiding...BEEP...no, not there...BEEP...

An unfamiliar number, and when I returned the page, it was the Law Offices of Someone I've Never Heard Of. Well, crap.

I dunno. I like attorneys okay; I got some good friends that do that work, and I've had some helpful attorneys when I needed them, too. But those are MY attorneys. This is someone ELSE'S attorney, and like someone else's gum disease, thank you, I'd rather not.

But then, I have to return the call. Otherwise I get to wonder and wonder what it is that an attorney wants with me; and if my recollection is accurate, ignoring someone else's attorney does not make the entire situation go away.

Besides, the things I can imagine an attorney wants with me are probably worse than whatever an attorney really does want with me. I think. Maybe somebody wants to sue me for...for what? Letting my roses grow over the neighbor's fence? Oh, I don't know, but I imagine horrible things, of which I am probably quite guilty, and will be sued for my last penny which I think I saw on the floor of the car yesterday, and end up in the poorhouse having my arm amputated so I can make a more successful beggar, and..

Man, who gave ME such a guilty conscience?

This woman probably got my name from a friend and wants me to build her a website. That's it. Or she heard I need work for the summer and wants someone to walk her Schnauzer. Or she's doing a telephone survey about the reliability of older refrigerators. It could be completely benign. Probably is.

All the same. I do not like it when there is a California Highway Patrol car driving immediately behind me, even though I know they have to drive behind SOMEONE, and I do not like calls from attorneys I did not contact first. I like to be in control of my relationships with attorneys. I do not want any spontaneous, out-of-control attorney contact, thank you very much.

I did try to return the call, last night and this morning, but I keep getting the machine. I don't leave a message, oh no. Not gonna do it. That would mean she could call me on the telephone, any old time she wanted to, just call me up like that and there I'd be, writing an e-mail or reading a novel or chatting with a friend and she'd beep in with her, "I was just wondering why you haven't responded to the letter that I sent you which is out in that big pile of mail I saw spilling out of your garage when I drove by your house yesterday, and my client is requesting -" and there would go my mood, right down the subpoena toilet, and I just don't see why I have to give anyone that much power to ruin a perfectly good summer day, do you?

If I just got her address out of the phone book and SENT her that penny out of the car, do you think she would leave me alone? I'm willing to risk that website commission.

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