Kathleen McCall:
Occasional�� Muse�

2002-08-18 - 11:00 p.m.

Got Gas?

So I wanted to put some gas in the car at my favorite station, but my favorite station was closed. I don't know why it's my favorite, it's pretty much like any other station and I am not nearly so price-sensitive as I ought to be, but I guess it's the best station because I go there. But they were doing some sort of gas station construction things involving large machinery (what my kids call picker-upper-mover-overs, for one thing, and maybe even scooper-scrapers and flattener-downers, I didn't see.) So I couldn't get my favorite gasoline, and I decided to turn around and just get on the freeway and get gas later in the day, and that's what I did.

But as I was turning around, some young man yelled out the window of his car at me - "No U-turn!" Like that. "No U-turn!" And of course he was right, there was a sign bigger than hell saying No U-turn and I did it anyway, because I believe in selective disobedience, and also because there was no police car in sight.

But what was interesting to me, or nonplussing if nonplussing is a word, is that my u-turn has nothing at all to do with him. It didn't put me in his way or slow him down or interfere with anything he had in mind to do; it was my personal u-turn. So why?

I am not a yeller-out-the-car-windower. Nope, don't do that. I am usually even irritated by people who honk to each other; it's so lame. "Hey! Hey! I KNOW you! My brother works in the checkout stand right next to yours! Hey! Let's celebrate this moment by ACKNOWLEDGING that we know each other right here in the middle of the intersection!" I don't get it. Go home and freakin CALL the guy, then you can get all excited together about your mutual acquaintanceship. But this is a thing people do.

I did not know this guy who yelled to me. I say yelled to me and not yelled at me because it was altogether a confusing thing; he didn't really sound angry about it, just somehow compelled to let me know that I had gone and made an illegal u-turn right out in front of God and everybody. I mean, maybe it was a courtesy, maybe he was all, "Oooh, she's gonna get her ass in trouble, I'm doin a public service here, save her a possible ticket" --- just pointing out to me that maybe I should do what everyone else does and sneak through Long's parking lot. Maybe he just goes around helping people out that way.

Then again, maybe he's like Older Daughter and was secretly appointed RuleKeeper of the Known Universe at birth. I thought there was only one of them, but maybe there's a whole squad. Maybe he has to go around with his window down when he drives because he's suddenly compelled to holler, "No Right On Red!" and "Indicators, indicators, people!" just the same way Older Daughter is compelled to say, "She ate a spoonful out of the sugar bowl!" and "She has on the same underwear as yesterday, Mom!" If he's one of those people, I could feel sorry for him. This is a heavy mantle to bear, because you are not only responsible for those things that affect you directly, but you have to be alert constantly for things that have absolutely nothing to do with you at all, so you can report or correct those, too. Really. Poor guy.

Or maybe he is an unfortunate with one of those diseases that causes tics, and this is his cross to bear - all his life, he's dealt with shouting uncontrollably "No U-turn!" out the car window, and this day, this ineffably wonderful day, was the only time in his entire life when his exclamation was wholly appropriate, all because I chose today to MAKE an actual illegal u-turn right in front of him, and he drove away ecstatic, and will never forget that moment. I could be glad for him, then.

So anyway he gave me something to think about for the first part of my drive, pondering why people honk at each other or shout driving directions out the car window (and come to think of it, the friend I drove to visit also shouted out the car window at someone, but that was different. She needed shouting at. Really.) I never did figure it out, except that I will probably not be able to make that particular turn on that particular street ever again, and I will be stuck sneaking through Long's parking lot ("No, honest, I was going to stop at Long's, I just changed my mind") until they finish revamping my favorite gas station, where incidentally, if you buy a quart of oil they give you a really useful paper funnel AND a disposable plastic glove.

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