Kathleen McCall:
Occasional�� Muse�

2004-08-26 - 9:26 a.m.

I Can Whimper Too

I would have a lot more sympathy for my sick child if she didn't whimper.

Whimper! She whimpers! How wrong is that? It's the most distressing sound in the world. It maks me want to kill something. It's battery acid poured into my ears runing straight down to my gut. I cannot NOT act when that kid is whimpering. I ask her sweetly if there is anything I can do for her, and then I go in my bedroom and BREAK THINGS.

Last night she whimpered all through dinner. I was trying to eat with Older Daughter, and MissEry was lying on the sofa making pitiful noises. Every time I put a bite of salad in my mouth, it whined. The fruit sniveled. The ice water sighed deeply. "Babe, what IS it?" "I don't feeeeeeeellll well."

Of course she doesn't feeeeellll welll, she's SICK. Duh.

Every time she lets out one of those small agonized sounds, it jabs my Do Something Mommy button. Like I'm supposed to yank her finger out of a light socket or strangle a mountain lion for her or something. But there's nothing I CAN do. She's got tissues and seven-up and a blanket and movies and sympathy and attention and what the hell else do you want can I please just eat some dinner and I'll get right back to you??

But I can't just eat some dinner, no, because we're having Attack of the Random Moving Symptoms. My throat hurts, Mommy, it hurts a lot, and my head hurts a lot, can I have some medicine? Oh, wait, I'm going to throw up that medicine. Throwing up made my head and my throat really really hurt, can't you DO something, Mommy? Now I have a runny nose from crying and my head hurts and I'm not going to throw up but my stomach really hurts too and I don't want to take a bath and can't I have some medicine for my nose and my head and my throat and my stomach?

AAARRRGHHHH.

I DID take her for a throat culture, but I lied to her. Well, I omitted - that's not so bad. I told her the doctor wanted to see her; I didn't mention throat cultures, which she's had before and hates. She cried all the way up there anyway, arriving hot and sweaty and red-faced and sore and miserable, which was fine - I hate it when you take a sick kid in to the docotor and they look perfectly healthy She didn't. She looked like she needed a throat culture, which she got, from a smart nurse who gave her very little warning before diving in and swabbing. Go nurse. Nothing like a pediatric nurse to assess the situation and respond. Warn that kid that you are about to take a swipe at her sore tonsils, and you'll be chasing her down the street with your giant Q-tip. She was pretty pissed off, but she got over it. Not strep. Which is good, I guess. Or not. In theory, with strep, I could have dosed her up with antibiotics and taken her anywhere in 24 hours. Not so with Random Virii.

I think ALL diagnoses not requiring antibiotics - and maybe those that do - ought to get an automatic prescription for sedatives. Make them sleep through it. Or make ME sleep through it; it's all the same. Is there an anti-whimper drug? I want that one.

I tried to buy her a compensatory milkshake, as I had promised, but she wasn't having any, just to spite me. "I'll fix YOU! I don't WANT your stupid milkshake!" Yep. That really fixed ME. I don't know what the hell else I'm going to do with that three bucks.

So today I am not at work. I ought to be glad. Hey! I'm off work! I'm not glad. It's more like, "Hey! Don't pay me! I hate it when you pay me!" Yeah, I better hang on to that three bucks. Child is watching the umpty-umpth showing of Lion King II. She's not whimpering, though. Quick note to self: rem 2 be grtfl sml fvrs.

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