Kathleen McCall:
Occasional�� Muse�

2001-08-29 - 11:05 p.m.

The Talk

We have a TALK coming.

You know - a TALK.

I'M going to talk, anyway. I'll try to get him to talk. He doesn't do the whole talk thing. Recreational talking; it tends to be a woman's sport. Try this on - "We need to talk about our relationship." Odds are, if that strikes fear into your heart, you're sportin' more visible appendages than I am.

It's just the way it is. Don't argue with me right now - I'm getting ready for a TALK.

I have to ask all the girlie questions. "Why did this happen Why did THAT happen? What were you thinking? How did you feel THEN? What do you want to do about it NOW?"

Poor guy; he probably just wants some sex. They do, you know. It's like talking is the price of getting some. Don't take me wrong - I'm not averse to getting some. But first you gotta talk to me. This is a toll bridge, here.

It must not be easy, being a guy.

We made a lot of noise at them for a long time about foreplay. Foreplay this and foreplay that. Well, now that seems to have been all cleared up; now we want fore-foreplay. And we call it something else - we say we want intimacy. Guys are going, "Intimacy? I want intimacy too! Take your pants off!" And we're getting on the phone to each other about it again. "He won't TALK to me, I just don't feel any INTIMACY."

You'd think women don't WANT to have sex. I think we do, although maybe not from the standing start that guys do, and maybe not six or seven times a day, and maybe not from behind in the kitchen while we're doing the dishes - there has to be some compromise here - but we do, really we do. I think. But we like to put up hurdles. We want attention. We want conversation. We want non-sexual physical closeness.

It was easier when you could just drag in that big stinkin' buffalo and our eyes would start glazing over, wasn't it?

I sympathize, but we're still having The Talk, oh yes we are. It's gonna be full of loaded words like relationship and compatibility and needs and all that stuff that makes gonads want to crawl back in and be stopnads. Sorry; it's the way I'm built.

If I weren't an estrogen-based life form, we'd have the sex BEFORE The Talk, just in case The Talk doesn't turn out so great.

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