Kathleen McCall:
Occasional�� Muse�

2001-10-22 - 9:51 p.m.

I Hear a Little Vicks in your Nostrils Helps

My mother offered to pay me for cleaning her kitchen the other day. I was sooo insulted.

Then I got home and realized I wasn't so insulted that she offered me money - it was that she offered me so little.

Hey! I wanted to turn down the BIG bucks!

Well, you know, you don't take money from your parents for taking care of them. (Yes, I know there are cases in which this is appropriate, but I am not one.) Besides, I am not going to sell my Good Daughter points; I never have near enough anway. "So, Kathleen, are you going to risk some of those points for What's Behind The Curtain?" "No, Monte, I'm just going to stay with my Martyr Envelope, thank you."

I know this woman is kind of ditzy now, she hasn't any concept of money except a) there is never enough and there never will be, and b) most people are trying to take it from you. Given those basics, it would not be smart to take even gas money from her, and I don't. I do sometimes put things on her grocery bill, usually cleaning supplies for her house: "Ma, I got some Lysol and some antibacterial hand soap and some bleach and some rubber gloves." Next time I'm gettin' a Racal BioLevel 4 Containment Suit and putting THAT on her bill. That kitchen took me FOUR HOURS. She had run out of room on the counters and in the sink and had begun putting dirty pots and pans on the floor - about five days ago.

I always show her the grocery receipt. She can't read it, but I think it makes her feel better. Or maybe it just makes ME feel better. If I don't, when I tell her the total, she says, "My God, how did you spend all THAT?" If I do, she says, "You know you don't have to show me the receipt, I trust you." Then I make out the reimbursement check for her to sign, and this time she says, "Add ten dollars on for yourself."

Okay. Ten dollars. Wow. That's...ummm....two-fifty an hour. For HazMat duty. Wish I could get someone to muck out MY kitchen for two-fifty an hour.

Yeah. I'm a bitch. I know the ten bucks are really her way of saying, "Thank you for doing this for me." She can't say that. She says, "I was just going to do that myself." She says, "I will do it myself tomorrow, don't bother." And these things mean, "I am old and I forget and I am frightened and I don't want to admit it, and I hate that it's hard for me to take care of myself now." She also said, "Have you lost weight?" Which I haven't, nor do I need to; it is only her way of saying, "I'm glad to see you, thank you for coming."

So I said, "No, I don't take tips, but thanks, Ma." Which is my way of saying, "You didn't take money for raising me and I won't take money for lowering you. But shit, Ma, I wish you'd move into the Assisted Living place like I want you to."

So incredibly much said in code; so much never said at all.

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