Kathleen McCall:
Occasional�� Muse�

2001-12-02 - 3:48 p.m.

Waffling

I am thinking this morning of my waffle-maker.

I've had a waffle maker for twenty years. Used it maybe two-three times. It's a dumb waffle maker. But it has interchangeable plates, a thing I am a sucker for. Anything that does ALL THIS and THIS TOO!! is irresistible to me. It seems so thrifty. So I have this little electric thing that can make waffles - and pizelles! - and croque monsieurs! - and pancakes! - never minding the fact that I do not make any of these things. Yes. I just had to have it.

Mail order, of course.

Waffles? What? I don't LIKE waffles. The kids just like toaster waffles. For years they didn't even know about syrup, they ate 'em like toast. I never should have let them eat at other people's houses. I'm not making homemade waffles for the kids.

If I make pancakes, I do it on one of those flat teflon thingies (I know it has a name, but...) on the stovetop. DRIP drip drip, there, shut up, it's Mickey Mouse. I'm not rummaging through the bottom shelf of the pantry and taking everything out to get to the Marvelous Multipurpose Waffle Machine.

I told someone this morning that I don't own a lot of kitchen gadgets. I made fun of people who owned salad shooters. I said they were a misguided marketing attempt to get men involved with salad, because men like to shoot things before they eat them. POW! POW! POW! Take THAT, carrots! And I said if that had really caught on we could have sold paintball guns loaded with Roquefort Dressing.

Then I remembered that I own a Kitchen Magic Four-In-One Marvelous Multipurpose Waffle Machine, and that I can't seem to throw it away, and that I have no business poking fun at people who own Salad Shooters and electric can openers and Slice-o-Matics they bought off late-night TV.

My pantry is a total mess. Anything could be in there. Most things are, somewhere. Only I can find things any more, and I can only find them by taking half of the stuff OUT. Sometimes I buy more of something I KNOW I have because I can't come up with the wherewithal to mount the Pantry Expedition to find it. I really want those sliding type shelves, and BF has almost offered to put some in for me, but he's pointed out that I would lose some space on each side. There IS no space on each side. Something must go. I have decided that getting merciless with the Waffle Maker is the key.

The Waffle Maker didn't go to the garage sale, like it probably should have. I think I just couldn't stand to drag everything out to get to it. Besides, I sold a great espresso machine at the garage sale because it was too big and I wanted just a little one. Do I now own a little one? No, I do not. What happened to the money for the big one with which I was going to buy the little one? I cannot tell. So you see, if I get rid of the Marvelous Waffle Machine, I may never have another, and when the kids say. "You never made us pizelles growing up", they will be right and I won't be able to do a thing about it. Also, they do not make Waffle Machines any smaller than mine, they're already practically wiffles.

Ah, the horns of dilemma. I may have to trick myself - put some money in an envelope and stick it to the fridge, labeling it "Money for en emergency waffle maker purchase ANY TIME I WANT ONE ," so I'll feel secure enough to Goodwill the one in the pantry. But then, I can't be trusted around cash; I'd probably just give it to the Pizza Guy some night.

I just can't leggo that eggo.

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