Kathleen McCall:
Occasional�� Muse�

2002-02-14 - 10:10 p.m.

Love and Money

Yesterday was about money. Today was about money too. Money is such weird stuff. Sometimes it just confuses me.

By the end of yesterday, I thought I had my head screwed back on straight. (Well, as straight as ever, let's not get into THAT.) With the help of friends who left notes in my guestbook and wrote to me, I remembered that it IS only money. It ain't the staff of life, even if it feels that way at times.

I was also reminded (thanks, Alice) that my mother and I have a shit relationship anyway; so I can either take care of her the best I can and take the crap and take the money, or I can take care of her the best I can and take the crap and NOT take the money. Hmmm. Lemme see...crap with money; crap with no money.

(If the people who dove into the fountain at the end of Magic Christian to get the money were disgusting, how would you feel about someone who dove in just to go for a swim?)

Okay. So I'm not in financially great shape - so what else is new - and I borrowed money - gee, must be the only person who ever did THAT - and I'm embarrassed - yeah. It's only money, and I can quit playing the violin over it.

Then I get the information that an old school friend, who was recently diagnosed with throat cancer, is exhausting his avenues of financial assistance. And suddenly, money is back trying to be the staff of life. This good man and his family, who should be spending their energy on cure and healing and recovery, are having to spend it on figuring out where the money will come from to pay for the surgeries he's having, for the radiation and the chemotherapy he needs.

The incredible situation: he lost his job and insruance when the company he works for folded, and couldn't COBRA because the company took the group policy down when it went. He can't get private insurance because he's been diagnosed with cancer; he didn't qualify for state assistance because he was on unemployment benefits. And so he and his wife are filling out forms and making calls and waiting endlessly listening to Muzak for a human, just one human with some power to see how wrong this is, to flip the magic bit that will fix it, to make it fair. It hasn't happened.

Money. I don't have any, so I can't take the kids to Disneyland this year. Brian doesn't have any, so he may lose everything and wind up in staggering debt as the price of his life. I have to ask my mother for money, and I am ashamed. Brian must turn to his friends, and I hope with all my heart that he is not ashamed.

There's enough in the Universe. Damnit, I know there is. Enough love, enough food, enough money, enough hope. It just isn't always in the right place at the right time.

__________________

Donations for Brian, if you feel moved to give, would be welcome. There is now an account set up. Please contact me for more information:

Kathleen McCall

�

previous - next

�