Kathleen McCall:
Occasional�� Muse�

2002-02-19 - 8:29 p.m.

Grease For The Hamster Wheel

There seem to be an awful lot of times during the day, these days, where I am having to take a deep breath and ask myself The Question. It's the only thing that stops my brain from hamster-wheeling, sqeeeak ik, squeeeeak ik, around and around all the things to be done managed and handled and taken care of, all the things I can't get to and should have gotten to and what is WRONG with me, that I haven't called, written, mailed, finished, arranged, returned.

So I ask, "Am I where I need to be right NOW, doing what I need to be doing?" And the answer comes back yes, I am. And then I follow it with, "Well, all's you can do."

"All's you can do." This was my father's phrase. I think he got it from one of us when we were very young; I can imagine the child's voice saying indignantly, "Daddy, that's all's I can do." He adopted it, and used it to mean you couldn't give more than your best. If you tried the best you knew how, and you fell short of perfect - well, all's you can do. It's okay.

Dad's facility needs some papers signed, and I'm not happy with his current medications, so he needs to see his doctor. So I got them to fit me in Monday, and then I remembered that Younger Daughter has an appointment at five - can I get up and pick up Dad, WITH the girls, and get him to the doc, and get back up to town to get Younger Daughter to her appointment on time? The facility says Dad desperately needs undershirts and socks, which I didn't know, so first I have to go shopping so I can take the stuff up there when I pick him up. Younger Daughter has a sleepover tonight, Older Daughter a dance - well, Younger can stay with her friend while I go up in the morning and shop for my mother and clean her house. Older Daughter will have to come with me, which she won't like, but hey - that's life. I promised Younger I'd do her birthday celebration this weekend, so that will have to be Sunday, and Older has an irritating Science project to do over the weekend; I guess we'll jam that into Sunday as well. So it appears the three-day weekend will be spent holding my own again, not getting to any of the things that have been festering on the to-do list. But I'll try to be where I need to be, doing what I need to be doing.

My boyfriend is stressing heavily over whether his high-tech job will be there next week. He watches anxiously what's going on in telecommunications, what goes on in management above him, and frets constantly over what will happen. Is he doing his job to the very best of his ability? Yes, he is. Has he updated his resume and looked around at possibilities? Yes, he has. Is he doing what can to be ready to weather a potential layoff financially? Yes, he is. He's where he needs to be, doing what he needs to be doing the best he can.

All's you can do. From my father to you. It's a good phrase. We all have limits, and they're all different, and nobody can ask that you do better than the best you can. I wish I could remember that without trying, but at least I remind myself when I do remember, and that's about - everybody together now - "all's I can do."

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