Kathleen McCall:
Occasional�� Muse�

2001-11-24 - 3:12 p.m.

One-Track Mind

(this one's for my sister, because she knows)

When I was a kid, I hated to hear my father say that. "You've got a one-track-mind." he'd tell me. "You can't chew gum and walk at the same time."

Well, it was probably true. And if it seems unnecessarily cruel now, all scores are settled, as I have my one-track mind still, and he, tragically, has nearly none at all.

But that's off my one track. I was thinking about single-mindedness, and how I've always hated the implications of that - that I can't process more than one thing at a time, that I'm stupid, that I'm limited. That I was always the dumb family member, sweet and worth having around as a sort of mascot, but not exactly playing with the double deck like everyone else.

Perhaps that's why I've never taken to chewing gum.

That, and the fact that my mother held that gum-chewers were low class - her worst horror - and looked like ruminating cows.

I worked hard to prove that I wasn't dim and I wasn't low class. I'm not sure which was worse, but I knew I didn't want to be either, and of course I knew in my heart I must be both and that it would come out somehow, so I covered fast and hard in whatever ways I could.

Too bad; too many decades of not being able to relax and enjoy my one-track, low-class qualities, which turn out to be some of the best things about me.

I AM one-track. If I'm reading, don't talk to me. If I'm working out a sum, don't play your flute in my ear. If I want a certain book, just let me alone until I find it because I'm not giving up.

But if you need someone to give you full attention, or you have a chain necklace that has serious knots in it, or you want a friend who will be loyal to the end, or you have a sticky piece of research that needs doing, then you need a one-track mind person. You need me.

I'm low-class, too. Don't expect me to use the correct fork in company or own a suitable cocktail dress or remember to write proper thank-you notes or issue my invitations on card stock.

But if you need someplace where you can show up without calling and get included in dinner, if you need someone who will notice if you look sad or tired but never that your clothes aren't pressed, if you need someone to skip the cocktail party and watch a rented movie with, if you need someone who may take her kids to school in her bathrobe but will always stop and pick up your kids if they need a ride - you need a low-class person just like me.

Figuring out where I may have gone wrong seems to take a lot of time. In this case, I was never wrong about who I was - it just took me an awfully long time to see that I didn't like gum to start with, and that was just fine.

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